Train tracks

That's actually not the type I am going to talk about, I just like the picture. I'm talking about being a metal mouth. At the age of 21 I got braces. Why so old you ask? Well, you see, the idea only really popped into my head at age 20. Although I hate to admit my shallowness, but I've always been a little self conscious about my teeth. Heck, they weren't even that bad. Well, my bottom ones were quite manky but I made sure they never got exposed. I also had one rogue tooth at the top. Anyway, despite them not looking too bad, turns out I really did need them.

I think like most people I was actually quite excited to get them. It's sort of a novelty, you know. Even since getting them I've had numerous people approach me and say 'Hey, you've got braces!' (thanks, I hadn't noticed) and 'I wish I had braces, they're so cool.' Sorry but I'm pretty sure you won't be thinking that when you awake in the middle of the night with a throbbing face.

I got them on in May this year. A week before, as you ex or current metal mouths will be aware, you have to get these spacers things in. Basically, they are like mini rubber bands and they put them over your teeth so that when you get your braces on there is enough room for the actual metal bands to fit around. In short, they somehow make a gap between your back teeth and hurt like all hell. Note of warning for anyone thinking of getting braces: if you want to have a celebratory feast before you get your braces, do it before you get the spacers instead, as if it was anything like what I experienced, you won't be eating much that week either.

So a week later off I trot to get the real deal. The process actually wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I mean, you have to lie there with your mouth wrenched open by this plastic contraption which restricts you from swallowing and I am sure makes you look like Wallace (as in Gromit's friend) for about an hour. Also, there's one of those machines sucking all your saliva out which is far from pleasant. Aside from that, it wasn't too bad. It didn't actually hurt as such, it was more just uncomfortable. Actually, when I was all done I was actually in less pain than when I was when I went in there, thanks to the spacers.

Needless to say, the pain didn't stay away for long. A few hours later I was munching panadol like it was going out of stock. Coincidentally, or should I say unfortunately, the next day I had go into the recording studio at Uni and pretend to be a newsreader. Seven takes later and many profuse apologies on my behalf ('Thorry itsth my brathes') and I still managed to look supremely awkward in the video. I'm pretty sure I ate soup the entire week. Don't get me wrong, I love soup! Fortunately it was winter time too, so I was able to enjoy it.

Within perhaps two weeks I was back to my relatively normal eating habits. Still, it's not the most pleasant activity for the train tracked. For one, eating hamburgers with a knife and fork is pretty lame. Foods of doom (i.e. bound to get stuck in braces) include parsley, any kind of grain, bread, spinach, lollies etc etc. I mean, if you feel like tasting the food you ate at lunch five hours after ward, it's the way to go. Other unpleasantries (I think I just made that word up) include lips getting stuck on braces mid sentence, receiving cuts on lips and side of cheeks during the night, waking with blood on teeth and the discomfort and pain upon each adjustment. Also, I still haven't managed the art of smiling with my mouth shut.

Have I scared you yet? Let's not be all pessimistic shall we. Hey, you get to pick new colours every six weeks! Next time I am going to get one colour all along the top and one colour all along the bottom. Creative, I know. Plus, I like them because they set me apart (because like, no one else has them and everything....). Whenever I see a fellow brace face I feel like we have some kind of unspoken connection and I immediately want to be their friend. Plus, the most blatantly obvious thing is that I am going to have super fantastic teeth. They already look pretty darn awesome besides me only having them for about seven months. So despite the pain, discomfort, loss of hot factor, I would just like to say: embrace the brace!